The trick to a successful bungee jump is not overcoming the indomitable terror that awaits you at the edge of a 400-foot precipice, but in remembering to stay stylish after you conquer those nerves. Anyone can fall, but only Ben Kunofsky can hold a Super Man pose for 8.5 seconds of free fall. I chose a salute into graceful swan dive. Others went for a Heisman Trophy pose. The oddest was Rich Saunders, who neither yelled nor moved as he fell. Not a single peep or gesticulation, so for a brief moment everyone was concerned that his “mortifying terror of heights” shouldn’t have been taken so laughingly as we hurled his writhing body off the platform. Just kidding about that last part.
The Kepler Track snakes through glacially carved mountains overlooking the foggy Lake Te Anu. The path is well manicured and padded by abundant mosses; the rain is frequent, but serendipitously relenting at critical moments; the sights are astounding.
A host of nine healthy and handsome twenty-somethings accompanied me. Most were American, most were college students, most were males, all were friendly to begin and friends by the end.
Queenstown represents my mental projection of the perfect resort town. In one day, you can Heli-Bike, River-Sledge, and bungee jump before eating some of the world’s finest hamburgers from Furgburger and then dancing up a storm at The World Bar, where drinks are served by the teakettle.
Jet boating thrilled me immensely – imagine flying through a picturesque canyon at 80km/hr, inches from dismemberment and disfiguration. Our driver was Kelty, a long time jet boat pilot with icy veins and the perfect badass image. Kelty piloted the 20-person, 500 horsepower rally boat around corners and through obstacles with robot-like control. He never flinched, even as we spun multiple 360-degree spins through bottlenecks in the canyon.
After all that, I’m pleased to be back in Dunedin enjoying a more amenable and sustainable lifestyle (for a few days at least).
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